Cuddling

Before my husband, I was never in a serious enough of a relationship that I had my boyfriend spend the night, so like every other girl, I believed in the beautifully romanticized view of cuddling.  If I ever did one of the very obnoxious Myspace surveys and the "do you like to cuddle?" question popped up, I always answered yes.  So when I started dating my husband and things got serious enough for sleepovers, I thought I'd hit the jackpot when he said he was a cuddler.  Little did I know, that he'd had some practice.  Well, the truth is, as I've come to find out after about a year and a half of marriage plus the year we dated, that I really only like to cuddle with my pillow, sometimes 2 or three pillows if I'm napping or sleeping alone.  And to make matters worse, I'm starting to believe, anatomically speaking, that homo sapiens sapiens are not made to cuddle.  Perhaps the whole separate beds your grandparents or great grandparents had going on wasn't too far-fetched!

Issue #1 with cuddling: HAIR.  And while guys for the most part have short hair, I'm going to make a blanket and heteronormative statement that women have longer hair.  I always find that my husband's head/face always end up in my hair!  No matter what, it's like he's tiny silly moth looking for food and my hair is the big scary spider web that attracts it and doesn't let it go.  To top it off, my hair is ruthless.  Even with me, it never does what I ask it to do, and it tends to misbehave most when I'm sleeping.  So the whole romantic husband spoons the wife is no good here.  

Issue #2: ARMS.  Most of us have two of them and I find that no matter how many positions I try, one arm always loses all it's sensitivity after 20 minutes or so of cuddling.  My husband sleeps on his back ( a little like a corpse) so he wants me to lay on my belly (which is fine since I sleep with my ass facing the ceiling anyway) and put my left arm over his shoulder. And while it appears and feels comfortable at first, after the 20 minute mark, my short stubby arm really starts to hurt.  So I try to lower it, but it just so happens that his diaphragm is there and it can't function properly.   Another position we try is for me to spoon him.  And again this is only good for a while, but since my short arm has to reach over his side, my hand either aches from low blood flow or it starts to fall asleep.  Sometimes my arm aches like if you fall asleep on your belly with your legs hanging of the bed.  And of course my right arm is somewhat under me and unhappy as well.

Issue #3: Legs.  Yes, believe it or not, legs can be annoying when trying to cuddle.  I have, in more than one occasion accidentally kneed my husband "below the belt".  Talk about a "rude awakening"  I always find it hard to position my legs properly on top of his to make the cuddling work.  Plus our height difference doesn't help either,  I'm about 5'1" with shoes, and he's I'm guessing 5'10" or so.  Either way, he's a whole head taller than I am, once again making the hair and legs an issue because HIS mouth falls right into my head and his crotch onto my knee.

Issue #4:  Developing morning breath.  That's right, I said it!  Morning breath.  This whole movie morning kiss, drives me up the walls!!! You're going to tell me that neither person has morning breath?!? My husband also likes to sleep face to face.  Well I just CAN'T!  The thought of breathing in what he is breathing out is just gross.  I mean, I really really do love him and I definitely enjoy kissing him, but breathing in his carbon dioxide, well that's just crazy talk, right along with sharing a toothbrush or using the bathroom in front of the other person. 

The one cuddling strategy that worked for us until my husband found out was the fake cuddle.  What do I mean, you wonder.  My husband always falls asleep before I do when we get into bed, so, I cuddle with him long enough for him to be very very asleep.  And how do I know when I can cuddle with my mistress fluffy pillow you ask?  Well he makes this very adorable and in my opinion calming sound.  He blows a tiny puff of air out of his mouth that literally sounds like a whispering "ppuufff".  At that point I kiss him on the cheek and give him the butt.  Well not quite since I sleep on my belly, but you get the idea.  I face to my right and put my hands under my pillow and as my mind goes crazy with the many thoughts that tangle themselves, I fall asleep. 

However, after my husband found out about my cuddle cheat, I try everyday or shall I say night, to cuddle with him more and more.  Why you ask?!  Because for better or for worse, we're married, love each other and I figured it's the least I could do to show him that I love him.  And so, I will continues to google, youtube, and bing, cuddling videos and strategies until I find something that works for at lest 30 minutes. :-)

Kona

Meet Kona. She is my husband's first adopted cat.  He adopted her right before his 5th year in college.  Her story is quite interesting.  Before my husband took her in, she "belonged" to the Texas A&M equestrian center.  Kona was spayed by veterinary students and the top of her ear was clipped before releasing her back to the stables.  However, about a year after Kona and her brothers and  sisters were born, my husband's friend who was in charge of the stable's cats noticed that some kittens were disappearing, and that perhaps, they were being eaten by bigger animals.  So she called on her friends and asked if anyone was willing to adopt a cat.  My husband originally planned on adopting Kona's sister, but he melted when he saw Kona.  She was very tiny, and more Manx-like.  And let's face it, a kitty without a tale is definitely fun to look at.  Kona is our Halloween Kitty.

Kona's personality is borderline anti-social.  But I think she's mostly scared of new faces.  She rarely likes to be picked up, although, she loves to be petted and belly-rubbed.  She is definitely playful, but only when she thinks no one is watching.  And she totally has some weird quirks! She's our most quirky kitty.  She LOVES stinky smells.  We know it's time to wash our bathroom rug when Kona starts to love on it.  He favorite thing to do, is to get into smelly shoes! So if you come to our home, you can't say that the stinky feet are not yours because Kona will make a liar out of you! She will find the shoes and basically make out with them for a good twenty minutes.  We have a very long video of her licking my husband's flip flops.  It's a bit creepy but it's better than her cork-chewing habit.  (Anecdote on cork-chewing/eating on a later post)

Over-protective of MY shoe!

Kona is also our best player in hide and seek.  If she chooses to hide, good luck finding her.  She always finds the best places to hide and to drive you crazy while trying to find her.  Her most recent place, which took me about a week to figure out where in the kitchen she was, is the chair! Yes, she hides in plain sight!  Our chairs are always pushed in under the table and in order to get away from our two other cats, she just naps on the chair all day, where unless you're looking for her, it's pretty impossible to see her.

Kona under the door mat.

Kona is a true KITTY!  She naps all day away from it all, plays with the most random of objects like our super small 99cent Ikea rug, and is sometimes ditsy.  The funniest thing she does, is to jump on tables, desks, or the like, without checking if there is enough room for her to land, so as she's mid air, she re-thinks her move and ends up belly-flopping onto the side of the table only to look at whoever is around and pretend it never happened

She is pretty mischievous.  She loves to chew on things, especially flowers and plants.  In this picture she's chewing a some flowers my husband bought for me.  But even better was when she defied my husband and chewed and swatted the very tiny pineapple, off the pineapple plant my husband had just bought.  Although he continually reprimanded her for messing with the plant she waited for the perfect moment when he was looking right at her, to give the innocent pineapple the final bitch slap that sent it off the table.  We love her either way.  It's hard not to considering she makes us laugh on a regular basis.  The most common thing she does, that drives me crazy and makes me laugh hysterically for hours is when she very seriously comes out of her bathroom covered in litter.  She puts on her most serious face and walks all like the very proper lady cat she is. 

Here's our dear Kona making her way of our her bathroom very upset at the photographer.  She doesn't see any reason as to why I'm taking pictures like a paparazzi does when Octomom goes out for the morning paper.  

and here she is 20 minutes later still thinking there is nothing wrong.   But of course, just when you think she's turned into an inappropriate lady cat she surprises you by laying on her belly with her legs stretched out behind her and crossed!  That's right, she may have been raised by horses, but she never loses sight of her manners!

Perfect leg-crossing form.  No peek-a-boos.  Pure lady-cat-like behavior.